my addiction, really.

My song during the exams

2009-12-15T23:16:00.002+08:00

Music by: Ke$ha

Title: Tik Tok

Lyrics polluted by: Alicia

Wake up in the morning feelin' like an airhead,

Ain't gonna leave my place till my tummy is fed,

Before i leave, brush my teeth with "hmm whats that?",

But when I leave suddenly everything goes black.

I'm talkin' bout.. exams in a row, you know? (oh!),

Four isn't the way to go, no!

My mind's about to explode, yo!

My friends all say that its a breeze,

Pass me some tissues, please,

Hurry up, before I start to sneeze

Oh stop, drop it now,

I'm getting sick cuz of this,

Tonight Imma sleep,

Then wake up and revise,

Tick tock on the clock,

Gotta wake up on the dot, oh!

Woaah woh woh (2x)

(repeat)

Thats all folks.

How I prepared for exams

2009-12-15T23:06:00.006+08:00

Its blurry, I know. I didn't take good shots of my drawings bah! Anyway... this is how I got down to business over the past week prior to exams...

Upon my return from Seremban, I was very enthusiastic and planning was my forte. Seriously!

So there I was.. preparing myself to study. Notice the time gap. I was making plans! And plans need time before implementing it.

And enthusiastically, I studied. To my dismay, while planning is my forte.. implementation isn't.

So my mind wandered off and decided to watch a tv series or play some online games to "relax the mind", as I put it.

But in the end, I decided its time to go to bed. And my notes are left unread. :-(

And I regret not studying when I was given ample time to. eek.

Absolutely hate!

2009-12-12T21:41:00.003+08:00

I really hate it when people just appear out of nowhere and blame the woman for stealing the boyfriend away from the girlfriend. CHE-LLOH! has anyone thought that it may be the BOYfriend's fault?? he's the one who goes up to the woman and seduces her. And women, being women are absolute ladies, entertaining the big douche bag of a boyfriend. PAH!!!

Road Tax Renewal Mania

2009-12-10T12:38:00.017+08:00

I have a newfound empathy for the people out there who are still unable to obtain their insurance for their car (over 16 years of age). Please read further on for more information.

So its like this.. my car is 22 years of age and third party insurance is no longer issued for cars this old. I was really on the line and you could see the desperation in my eyes trying to get things done as soon as I can.

I finished my attachment on 4th December and drove my car illegally back to KL, anticipating the next day to come where I shall bring my car to PUSPAKOM for inspection. The worst thing is that I actually was on the phone with two insurance agents telling me the same thing: Only one insurance company covers third party for cars over 20 years old.. UniAsia. I was trying to be hopeful because they told me that in order to get UniAsia to cover for me, I have to inspect my car and then go to UniAsia, producing the full report from PUSPAKOM declaring that I passed the test.

Eagerly, I went to PUSPAKOM at 8am the next day (5th dec) with my friend leading the way. The inspection took about an hour, plus the queue so by the time the whole thing finished, it was already 10am. However, I failed the inspection. Said my alignment was out.

Figure 1 : Romeo fails his inspection test

A UniAsia is quite nearby so we decided to convince UniAsia to accept because everything else has passed. We had an early lunch and reached UniAsia at 11am to find out that it was closed. I was so disappointed!!

Figure 2: UniAsia Insurance Company

I went home with a heavy heart. I tried calling UniAsia and realised that insurance companies aren't open for business during the weekends. So I had to wait till 7th dec!! So I waited. And called. and they said that I have to re-inspect my car again. But I told them about my current issue: expired road tax. Then they mentioned that I should go to JPJ to ask for the 3 day temporary lease to drive on the road. I was like.. oh crap. I asked around to see if there was any JPJ that is accessible via foot. Salak Selatan, apparently.
Figure 3: JPJ logo

So since it was a 3 day lease, I decided to go there on Thursday so that on Saturday I can inspect my car. Come Thursday (9th Dec), I walked into JPJ. The staff there weren't very hospitable nor helpful. They kept pushing me to another person. I was getting more and more disheartened. I first approached the lady at the queue number counter.

Me: I nak tanye, cik, camana I nak dapat lease utk 3 hari?
Lady: Ape? Lease utk ape?
Me: Er.. untuk pandu kat jalan raya. kerana road tax i dah expire.
Lady: Aha. Lepas tu?
Me: I nak lease...
Lady: Jap. I tak faham la.

She calls the lady from the inner counter and said to me.

Lady: Gi kat kaunter 2.

So I walked over and sat down in front of the lady at counter 2.

Lady 2: Ye? Ade ape ke?
Me: Oh, i nak temporary lease untuk 3 hari punye. kerana road tax i dah expire....
Lady 2: Renew kat pos ofis la.
Me: Tak buleh. kerana insurans i dah tak cover, i nak tukar yg lain. tapi insurans company tu ckp i nak gi inspection dulu. kalau lulus, boleh dapat insurans la.
Lady 2: ok.. skarang u nak ape ni?

LORD! I swear i wanted to kill both the queue number lady and the lady 2. HAVENT THEY BEEN LISTENING?!?! i want the LEASE! THE TEMPORARY LEASE! DAMMIT!

Me: I nak temporary lease...supaya boleh pandu kat jalan raya.. walaupun i punye road tax dah expire.
Lady 2: Eh, kite org tak buat ni. Ni u nak gi tingkat 4. Gi skrg la.
Me: oh... okay. thank u.

ARGH!! I walked up and approached the lady at her computer desk. I had to repeat myself yet again and she frowned.

Lady: Kite org tak buat lah. Ape insurans company nak inspection? I tak pernah dengar lah.
Me: Tapi... diorang suruh saye datang sini utk ambilkan lease, lepas tu buat inspection..
And she ignored me.
Lady: Tunggu kejap.

She walked into a different office and talked to another JPJ officer. He came out shortly and approached me.

Man: Sorry, miss but we at JPJ cannot issue you a temporary lease without a valid insurance.
I was dumbstruck. I was like.. excuse me? The reason why I came here is because I want to get an insurance thats why I need the lease to drive around.
Me: You mean...
Man: Yes, you have to purchase your insurance first
Me: But I..
Man: Just go to the post office and buy your insurance. Other than Uni Asia, there is another company that covers cars older than 16 years old.
Me: So I..
Man: I'll give you one copy of the application for the lease and you'll have to submit in two copies.
Me: Okay.. but then my road tax has already expired..and I need to do an inspection.
Man: Just go to the post office. BEcause this inspection thing you are referring to is quite unusual. I myself have not heard of it before.
Me: Oh but I was told by the (blablablablabla)
Man: If there are any problems with purchasing an insurance, you come back here.
Me: Okay.. thanks.

Figure 4: Application for temporary lease

So i had to walk another 10 minutes to the post office. Upon arrival, I asked the post office lady how much the insurance is if I have to purchase. She took a look at my registration card and then said, " Your car is a 1988 make so its going to be quite expensive..."
...
...
The total amounted to almost 400MYR!

But I was willing to pay as long as everything is settled. I couldn't care less.

But she told me, " Miss, I think you should try somewhere else where its cheaper. Across the road there is another insurance company you can purchase your insurance at. Its much much cheaper, trust me. I Think you can just buy for about 250+ MYR"
Me: Oh.. thanks!

And I walked across the road to go to the insurance agent company. An elderly couple runs the business and they are superbly nice!! I told them I was kinda desperate and then they were so kind to key in my information first, chucking the rest aside.

Popo: Oh let me settle everything for you then you can go to the post office and renew your road tax. I understand that you have gone through a lot.
Me(near tears): That would be fantastic!! Thanks so much!
Popo: No problem la. I also want to earn money. Ha ha..
Ah Kong: You know ah nowadays, a lot of cars are rejected from even getting a proper insurance. Cos really cannot. Too overcrowded.
Me: Oh yea lo..

After what seemed to be an eternity, I got my insurance for 220MYR!! I was so happy I gave them an extra 5 bucks as tip.

Figure 5: My insurance receipt

Ah Kong: Okay its done! Now you can renew your road tax and go back home happy!Me: I'm very happy as it is already. thanks so much!!

OMG they saved my day for sure! Thank you popo and ah kong! I'll kiss the ground you walk on anytime!

Figure 6: Their office from outside

And I practically hopped across the road to get my road pass. AND YIPPEE!!!!!! Thank you Post office as well!! All this morning adventure wouldn't be possible without the help of Jebby Yii. SIIGH.

After two agonizing weeks of going through what would seem to be the motor vehicle driver's hell, I finally obtained my road pass for one year! Adios temporary lease, PUSPAKOM and UniAsia! *blows raspberries*

Figure 7: MY ROAD PASS

The thrill and anticipation of waiting for the exams to be done

2009-12-09T15:07:00.004+08:00

So like today is Wednesday, right?

...

OMG.. iTS frickin wednesday!!!! ><

I only just started studying for my end of semester exams next week. I always go through this phase of studying last minute and then ending up being alright but this time, I'm feeling pretty pessimistic. Yuck.

I'm currently touching on Leadership and Management. Not my cup of tea. Not my forte too.

So whilst studying, I actually wasted 2 hours playing Plants vs Zombies and drafting a letter I just might deliver to the hospital.. its a complaint letter to which I am posing as a patient in the ward. Below is the first letter. Messy, I know.

Drafting first letters are really annoying because your thoughts just come all at once and well... its very messy. This includes my handwriting.

After this first draft, I have decided to type it... but then again, perhaps writing adds a personal and sincere touch to it, do you not agree? I will upload it again with a more legible handwriting. ha ha ha...

And yehss I am side-tracking. By blogging now, I have wasted another 10 minutes of good studying time. Not that I study good anyway. I think its boring, especially when you have uninteresting DUH things to memorise.

e.g.

Work environment elements

Essential work environment elements to be managed:

1. Operations (actions)

2. Finance (money and resources)

3. People (human relations)...... and the list goes on. Actually for myself, when I read it I'm like.. Whaaat?? but in actual fact, its all done. Just that people don't really mount all these on the wall for other people to read.

Becoming a mak cik

2009-12-06T16:09:00.002+08:00

This morning when I went into Guardian Pharmacy, I just wanted to get myself a pack of mints and loratidine tablets BUT i got sidetracked when I saw the magical dermal patch: SALONPAS for relief of muscle pain.

And I remember always demanding for a massage from friends. This is the key to a back relief! So i bought a pack.. 20 patches in them.
I just used a few hours ago.. and it feels soooo goooood!!!! he he.. talk about being a mak cik.
:P

but the effect wears off after awhile.
So, how does it act? The main ingredient to the dermal patch is called " methyl salicylate", also known as aspirin. Aspirin acts as a mild painkiller and also as an anti-coagulant. It improves circulation and kills the pain... a little. Methyl Salicylate will penetrate through the skin, directly to the muscles and act on it. Pretty cool aye?
I have used 6 patches so far. 4 on my back and two on my calves.

A reliever for "sourness" of the legs and back.

So whilst doing that, I decided to pamper my face with a cooling and rejuvenating cucumber mask. I ended up sleeping for 45minutes with both the patch and the mask.

And I realise tht I have been taking too frequent naps already..

Bahhh!
i am just 22 and already becoming a mak cik. What lah!!

End of attachment.. and still pissed

2009-12-04T20:28:00.002+08:00

Ugh.
Today is supposed to be a hurrahh!! day.
But it isn't. and why so? because YOU said that my philosophy on apples is wrong.

Seriously, you think you're right? Like I said, there is no right and there is no wrong. Its only a matter of opinion, If you don't like what I said, save it for your butt ugly friends.
And really, what the frick?!
What top ones are fake? You with your broken English, don't try and mess with someone whose English is so much better.
And dude, you must be delusional if you think you're right.
Because you're not.

And the thing is, its the ugly truth. Men can't accept rejection cuz of their ego. Go figure! The good ones reject men. We're talking about the top and about the bottom. The ones that fall to the ground are ripe but ripe with experience in Sex. Get the point, loser? and what falls to the ground doesnt mean its good because der might be worms and it doesnt get picked up right away.

But why do I bother explaining to someone as insignificant as yourself? Ugh. Seriously, people like YOU aren't worth my time.

My dashboard confessional

2009-10-23T22:28:00.003+08:00

I admit that I have a crush on you.
Just when I swore to myself that I'll never fall for a guy.. not now. Perhaps in the near future, who knows?

I don't know about yourself. If you'd give me the time of the day... your face constantly appears in my mind when I am not around you. My thoughts are recently preoccupied with your mannerisms, the how you handle situations.

Our brief moments together as we conversed were friendly but your every action showed no desire. I wish I knew what you were thinking. If you'd give someone like myself a chance....

I'm not the type of person who makes the first move but if I could read your mind... I wouldn't mind being the one to do the approaching.

My 100th post

2009-10-13T19:08:00.002+08:00

this is supposed to a cheerful one. but its not.
im emotionally overwhelmed.

i don't understand at all. why why why?
i am so strangled by the pain and so overcome by sadness.
i don't want to go through this yet i am IN this.

i wish i were more logical but im not. i chose to follow my "heart".
just. feel. like. crying.
the tears can't stop streaming down my face.
how long must my ego keep shielding me from whats really in front of me?

i've been left out in the cold and it takes me that to realise whats really important in my life.
YOU.... who give me so much heartache yet so much happiness.
You.. who give me so much fear yet give me courage...
You.. who make me contradict myself.

What exactly is on your mind, I'd really like to know...

Life is life... is life

2009-09-17T22:49:00.003+08:00

The things I don't want to do now..

to let loose.
to move on.
to let go.
to cry.
to laugh.
to smile.
to know.
to find out.
to change.
to pretend.
to bear the burden.
to think.

why?
Ever feel like life strangles you with hurdles and then when you think you've overcome it, it just washes you over? its merciless sometimes.

okay, my research proposal got rejected. I'm sad and I just wonder.. all the effort we put into our research.. this happens? Maybe we haven't found many facts...but whats the point of a research if you're not allowed to do what you want? When this happened, they said, " I advise you to drop your theoretical framework"
It took me quite awhile to understand the framework. And I grew to like it. Now I am expected to let go and start afresh? Its not easy..it really isn't.

what next?

I don't know.....i'm still using the same framework. Just that now.. I don't want to focus on my research proposal. i should finish assignments which have an earlier deadline...

...
...
...
goodnight

Drama Queen moments: Friday madness

2009-09-12T11:16:00.003+08:00

Friday, 11 September 2009

1.30am

After spending endless hours in front of the laptop since 8.30pm the previous day, I have decided to call it a night.. my body just gave in to the comforts of my pillow and... Bonny M beckons!

8.00am
The alarm rang as I fumble for dear life. 8 friggin AM. and my class is at 9am. So yea, today is the day! We meet our supervisor..and afterwards off we go to General Hospital KL for a scan through in the surgical wards. I got dressed and was late for class. Just by a few minutes.

12.30pm

My research partner and I printed out more articles pertaining to our research. Keeping our fingers crossed that we can find more as we go along. And we rushed to take our lunch before we met her.

1pm
We're at the Faculty Cluster. Where the lecturers are. Made a few calls to her office. No answer. Panic!!

1.15pm
Made yet another call. No answer. I fear that indigestion has taken over as I called her cellphone. NO answer.

1.20pm
She passed by with a tumbler in hand. My partner, being tall and possessing long slender legs stampeded out and called her " Ms. K!!"

Ms K turned around and "oh!"-ed. And she says she'll be right out.

1.30pm

Commencing our research proposal and where we have gone so far. I suggested that we shall be collecting more statistics from the hospital later if we can. She nods and agrees with us. She pre-warned us of the possible outcome that our proposal might get rejected. But she hopes not as our research topic is of complete interest.

2.30pm

Meeting has come to an end and off we go to GHKL. Oh my word.. we tried calling two of our other friends.. but there was no reply. So i went to pee. When I got out and zipped up my pants, the metal clip just had to come off and I was screaming. Luckily, I had an extra pair of pants I could wear. So I did.

3.00pm

We finally left for GHKL. 45 minutes train ride there, plus another 10 mins walk to the hospital. We alighted the train and walked for what seem like an eternity. GHKL... first impressions: Pretty damn huge. Pretty. Damn. Huge. And we can't just march to the entrance because there is no entrance! Well.. to get to the entrance, we had to go underground. We searched frantically and identified the surgical wards.. 4 altogether. But we got kicked out. Was told that we have to write a letter before getting any information at all..So okay. we waited for our other colleagues till they finish.

5.00pm
It started raining heavily. We wanted to get home as soon as possible but we couldn't! So we waited.. and wanted to hail a cab until a bus magically appeared that says they're going to the LRT station. We paid RM1.00 for the ride. OH my word!! I swear! It took us about 45 minutes to reach the LRT station. It was at Wangsa Maju LRT.. and here I thought it was at Titiwangsa LRT station. WHUUUT?? Anyways.. when we reached Wangsa Maju, it was still raining heavily. Everyone was going back home from work. And we were sandwiched in the LRT... for ten stops... to Masjid Jamek. And it took us another 30minutes. BAHHH...

6.45pm
Waiting at Masjid Jamek station for the train to our place. Waited for another 5 minutes. We were all tired and kinda pissy already.

7pm
Finally reached Bukit Jalil. OH MY WORD.... We were supposed to be back by 5pm and.. because of the friggin rain..(^%£$^&

7.15pm
I reached the gym!

Sigh. Took me awhile to post this up. heh..

The little things--Love hurts.

2009-09-08T23:20:00.003+08:00

I extracted this from my friend's note she left on her facebook profile. I believe it gives great meaning and it serves as a reminder that love is really what it is...painful yet beautiful.

Love hurts
By: Phoebe Debbie Ang (2nd September 2009)

When you think of your past love, you may view it as a failure. But when you find a new love, you view the past as a teacher. In the game of love, it really doesn’t matter who won or who lost. What is important is you know when to hold on and when to let go. You know you really love someone when you want him or her to be happy, even if his or her happiness means that you’re not a part of it. Everything happens for the best. If the person you love doesn't love you back, don’t be afraid to love someone else again, for you'll never know unless you give it a try. You'll never love a person unless you risk for love. Love strives in hurting. If you don’t get hurt, you don’t learn how to love. Love doesn’t hurt all the time, though the hurting is still there to test you and help you grow. Don’t find love, let love find you. That is why it is called falling in love because you don’t force yourself to fall. You just fall. You cannot finish a book without closing its chapters. If you want to go on, then you have to leave the past as you turn the pages. Love is not destroyed by a single failure or won by a single caress. It is a lifetime venture in which we are always learning, discovering and growing. The greatest irony of love is letting go when you need to hold on and holding on when you need to let go. We lose someone we love only when we are destined to find someone else who can love us even more than we can love ourselves. On falling out of love, take some time to heal and then get back on the horse. Don’t ever make the same mistake of riding the same one that threw you the first time. To love is to risk rejection; to live is to risk dying, to hope is to risk failure. But risk must be taken because the greatest hazard in life is risking nothing. To reach for another is to risk involvement, to expose your feelings is to expose true self; to love is to risk not to be loved in return. How do we define love: fall but do not stumble, be constant but not too persistent, share and never be unfair. Understand and try not to demand, hurt but keep the pain. Love is like a knife. It can stab the heart or it can carve wonderful images into the soul that always last for a lifetime. Love is supposed to be the most wonderful feeling. IT should inspire you and give you joy and strength. Sometimes the things that give you joy can also hurt you in the end. Loving people means giving them freedom that they choose to be and where they choose to be. Loving someone means giving them the freedom to find their way, whether it leaves towards you or away from you. Love is a painful risk to take but the risk must be taken no matter how scary or painful, for only then you'll experience the fullness of humanity and that is love. Only love can hurt your heart, fill you with desire or tear you apart. Only love can make you cry and only love knows why. If you are not ready to cry, if you’re not ready to take that risk, or feel the pain, then you’re not ready to fall in love. There was a time in our lives when we became afraid to fall in love because every time we do, we get hurt. Then I figured that’s why it is called falling in love. When you decide to love, allow it to grow. When you promise to love, refuse to let it die. But why, why does love hurts so much? Love hurts because the person who is pained is giving everything that they possibly can to demonstrate their commitment and admiration to the one they love. When you fully open your heart up to another person, you also open yourself up to an increased chance of being hurt.

Question: "Is it worth investing so much of our heart into a person?" Personally I don't believe that we can control what we feel in our hearts and therefore every investment (in love) that is made is pure. Love hurts more immensely when the person we love feeds us love that is artificial. This sort of love is engineered in the person's brain and delivered to deceive the person they say they love. The only thing that they truly love is the passion and those things that you are doing to boost their ego. The hurt that follows when love ends abruptly is immeasurable and the only way which I can explain it is to compare it to an addiction. Your heart is addicted to the person you love, because you've grown to love that person to the extent that you do. The memories of the places you went to and the time you spent together, the laughter you shared, the tears you cried and the intimate moments that you cherished in your mind. The good, and the not so good times in your relationship reinforced your love tremendously. When the person you love turns their back on your Love, without a reasonable explanation, you are left alone to fight your addiction of a love that you will crave for months or possibly years. This means that love hurts because you are addicted to the person you love. Why drive a car if you can get in a car crash? Why walk on the street when you can get mugged? Why eat when you can choke? I think you get my point. Life is one big risk, as so is love. If you don't take the risk you'll never know. Taking that risk in return you can either be loved or heartbroken. But I can guarantee you something- whether you are loved or heartbroken, you will always gain something which is wisdom and experience. You can learn from your heart aches to better your next relationship to make the love of your life. But if you never try at love because you are scared of being hurt, you'll never know if you could feel the best you have ever felt in your life. I think never trying at love is the biggest pain of all. You are depriving yourself of opportunity. Besides, a lot of us wouldn't be here if everyone didn't love because it hurt too much. Life goes on, and love will conquer all.

Just when

2009-08-26T17:29:00.002+08:00

Just when I've moved on, you had to come back to bug me. Why?!
Don't you realise how much hurt you have put me through?
And when I moved on, you just had to let me remember.

I was into you. But you hurt me so much. Your lies professing your love. ALL of them LIES.
I want to hate you but I don't. I want to cry knowing that you'll use me to your own needs again eventhough you have not asked for anything yet.

I don't want to fall into that same trap again. Don't. Please.
You hit me hard on my face. I don't want to experience an even greater hurt than what you have given me.

Please, just let me live my life. Let me live it. If you have any humanity in you, let me go...

Falling Slowly

2009-08-20T23:58:00.002+08:00

I don't know you but I want you,
All the more for that.
Words fall through me and always fool me,
And I can't react.

Games that never amount
To more than they're meant,
Will play themselves out

Take this sinking boat and point it home,
We've still got time
Raise your hopeful voice, you have a choice,
You've made it known.

Falling slowly, eyes that know me,
And I can't go back
The moods that take me and erase me,
And I'm painted black.

You have suffered enough
And warred with yourselves,
Its time that you've won

Take this sinking boat, and point it home,
We've still got time.
Raise your hopeful voice, you have a choice,
You've made it known

Falling slowly sing your melody,
I'll sing along

I've paid the cost too late,
Now you're gone

Ignoring my realisation

2009-08-19T22:00:00.002+08:00

Knowing that things change. People change. Feelings change. Over the course of even a few days... anything can happen.
But why not to me?
My heart tells me to hold on to that hope..

What is this that I'm feeling? Why do I feel so empty? Why do I suddenly feel so lost? I should be concentrating on the things before me but my heart beckons me to return to whence it came. And I am falling slowly, straying away from my purpose to thoughts of that particular being. And I don't know why.

Is this love? As I watched two warm and loving people holding each others hands during the graduation, I could feel tears welling up in my eyes. They were old, yet madly in love with each other.
I approached them " Good morning" and they never looked away from each other while greeting me in return.
As their temperature was taken for the screening of the virus, I slowly peeled two labels for them. As I raise my eyes towards them, I saw that the both of them are very much in love.
I could only muster a soft " Thank you"...
Will I ever experience it? Will I ever know what it feels like to love and to be loved in return?

Maybe not now. Maybe not ever. But... God knows now.. that I am ignoring my sole purpose. Distracted and blinded by emotions I should not allow to overcome me. And I lay awake every night, just wondering... when will my tears stop streaking down my face?

Pointless return?

2009-08-10T23:37:00.003+08:00

I was thinking, should I come back to Brunei in September?

...

And I thought maybe not. Because few of my good friends wouldn't be there. And when I return, I find it pointless although I still have a few of my other close friends but to see quite a number gone... I think I should stay put at KL.

Friends like...

Allysa Koh... she might be doing her masters degree at UK.. :-( She's going to be missing from Brunei again....

And... Ryan and Sharon.... Ryan to Cardiff, UK and Sharon to Windsor, Canada..

Is there any point really.... for me to come back?

Life of a simpleton

2009-07-20T14:26:00.003+08:00

Back to Brunei where drama is at minimum. And boredom kicks in.
But I'm not complaining because I get to relax and spend time with my friends. Well, sort of.
And I have huge tasks to carry out... which is sorting out my items to give away.

I had a souvenir from my trip at Kota Kinabalu.... a massive sunburn on my back. It itches a lot even after rubbing lotion on my back.
Oh I am so procrastinating. I should start to find all my karaoke cds so I can bring them over to LCK's place and we can sing our hearts out!
Oh yes, I am also going to meet the CEO of the hospital tomorrow and submit my letter of request for attachment. I should be dressed all nicely for the interview. Heh heh...
*claps hands*

Oh did I mention that I got myself two goldfishes called Madison and Robin? Robin died though. And Madison was left at KL... so I hope Priscilla can take care of her. And I forgot to clean my fish tank.

GAH!!

Ugly new thoughts

2009-07-17T11:34:00.002+08:00

Right after the recent (but not so recent) breakup with the ex, I decided to do things that make me happy. I resorted to a lot of things, probably things that hurt people along the way.

Like I had this thought of berating people I hate non-stop just because I feel like it.
And I did berate the people I hate non-stop.
Like I had this thought of disliking more people, even to the extent of not knowing them yet.
And I did dislike people I don't know. Reminds me of Michele but thats a different story.
Like I had this nasty idea to rebel against everything everyone says just because I feel that I'm right.
And I did quite a bit.

So I did. I hurt people along the way. Not too many ugly new thoughts but they're ugly. And I kind of wish that I could take all these thoughts and actions back and just be the way I am from the beginning.

I wished that I hadn't done things I've regretted...
1. Liking someone who clearly has a girlfriend and who clearly is just fooling around
2. Lending money to someone I hardly know and never got my money returned
3. Hurt people who doesn't deserve being hurt
4. Doing things that are not expected of me...

Well, life is life is life.
And I am sailing a broken ship which needs mending and guidance before I stray away.

I know I should be ecstatic but I feel that there is something missing in my life.

I just don't exactly know what.

Your pleasure, my pain

2009-07-09T22:52:00.002+08:00

A day before my OSCE, my batch and I had a little chat with our lecturers with regards to our research module. When I raised a few questions and asked about what should we look out for when we do our research, they thought that I was referring to the SOP (standard operating procedures)

And I was berated endlessly by my lecturer, pointing out that I should not be such a "one way street" kind of person. Of course, I had to show my feelings. Of course I was upset because they misunderstood and they want to humiliate me. And the nerve of that lecturer telling the new lecturers what an "eyesore" I am.

On the day of OSCE, I went into the room where I had to measure the head and the length of a model baby. I did not fully read the instructions because of that dastardly reptile with a long tongue chasing me that I dreamt of last night.. plus I had mental block.
So this new lecturer was in charge. And when I measured the head, the length and whatnot, the tone of her voice is very demeaning and condescending when she questioned me.

Whatever did I do to her?

If a person is mature enough, that person would not take sides so early.
If that person were to become my supervisor, there will be all hell to pay.
If that person is even a nurse, she should treat people with equality.
If that person is even a good lecturer, she should know, students make mistakes.

So.. stop using that tone on me because although you are much more "knowledgeable" than I am, that tone just shows how cocky and how much of a bitch you really are.

End of semester exams = Armageddon!

2009-07-05T16:37:00.003+08:00

So I went to Linda's place for lunch with Chuck. And I have to say... Oh my golly goose! Western! And the food's yummy!!

Besides that, we had a great time talking to each other. It felt like I was right at home, you know. :-D
..
Until the time that we had to leave. And it dawned on me. My end of semester exams are tomorrow!!!! EEK! And I was supposed to ask Linda what would come out and whatnot but NOOOOoOOOOo I had to talk about other things. Ha Ha Ha...

I'm breathing but I'll run out of time and there will be updates on how I would feel for the next four days of hell. *gasps*
Ultimate hell = OSCE.
I really have to get my head out of the clouds and delve into the whole practicing thing. Yikes!

I should be studying...

2009-07-01T14:43:00.005+08:00

I can't help myself! Who would have thought that dance would be such a beautiful human thing to watch?
This is from So You Think You Can Dance Season 5... really good! Jeanine and Philip. Thus far this is memorable. *swoon*

I recall other seasons too. This is from Season 4, Mark and Chelsie's Bleeding Love, followed by Katee and Joshua's Bollywood dance!

Then there were other shows too from Season 4...

Katee and Joshua's Samba routine

Mark and Chelsie's Argentine Tango

Katee and Twitch's contemporary routine

and so many more... aiyeeeeee!!!

My final day at Pedas

2009-06-28T20:09:00.003+08:00

It was a few days ago. Pedas I mean.

Not too long ago since I read of the history of how Pedas was named. It was pretty cliche and boy oh boy I laughed like the banshee that I am.

Pedas was so called when this warrior rested under a tree after a long day when suddenly a papaya fell on top of his head. He ripped open the papaya and tasted it. When he ate it, he immediately shouted " Pedas!"

And hence... Pedas was formed.

If you ask me, I think this warrior had his taste buds all wrong. Papayas aren't spicy! Odd.

I read that story on the second day of my attachment at Pedas. How time flies indeed. And on the final day, I have made friendships I never thought I could make. The staff were absolutely amazing.
I got close to a few of the staff there.

There was the helper with whom I got close with. Her name's Noni. Actually, its Nurfarani. She's damn funny and cool. She aims to study more and at least become a community nurse. I bet she'll be a wonderful one because of her good social skills.

There's community nurse Bhuvaneswari. Yes, I know, long name. But she's really nice and friendly to say the least.

Then there's my preceptor, Puan Noorizan. I have never met such a kind, patient and very understanding preceptor as her.

You know, on the last day, we made quite a number of people cry. And we got pretty attached to some people. Thats a good thing for sure....

I recall as I hugged Puan Noorizan, she had tears in her eyes. And everyone asked whats wrong. THen she was like, " Naw, I'm just emotional now. I'm going to go calm down a bit."

My group were touched. I was touched... who would have thunk, right?

Before I left the clinic with my other friends, Noni sent us off and when she reached me for a hug, she immediately cried. I was touched and cried too. Noni and I were really close and well, we told each other we would keep in touch. I hope I can.
I'm really gonna miss the staff there. Below are some pictures I managed to take. (Don't look at me! I'm fat!)

This is my group and I with our preceptor, Puan Noorizan. And behind is part of Pedas community clinic!

This is me and Staff nurse Rosnani. She's hilarious. A bit naggy at times though but she's fine, really.

This gorgeous community nurse is Zamilah. I call her Kak Zamilah anyway. She's so fair! And she's pregnant too! Normally pregnant women don't look so pretty but she IS! And she's funny too. She would pretend to sulk that I don't care about her and I'll pretend to be a cheeky student always hitting her on the back (which I did but its because there were ants on her shoulders!)

This is Bhuvaneswari. Guess how young she is? She looks kinda young actually but she's really in fact 32 years old. She's a great friend. Funny much and someone I could relate to. And she's on family planning, the pills and all and I get to write on her card! How cool is that? Haha.. and she wished me happy birthday too. ;-) I got her number.

This is Noni, by the way. She's a great friend. Someone whom I bitched about stuff with. Her personality and mine are the same. Hot tempered. She's married and her husband is damn handsome! Like seriously! She's a keeper lah. I got her number earlier on. And we share so many things in common. Its no wonder she cried on the last day. :(

And thats about it. I just really enjoyed my time at Pedas. Sigh. Hope to meet people like them in the near future.

What's on my mind?

2009-06-07T09:20:00.003+08:00

I had fun fun fun with an old friend watching Terminator and we had dinner before that but Terminator was surprisingly interesting.

And there goes my randomness.

I am so excited I'm giving myself goosebumps! I am so looking forward to July (not because of exams of course, because of the KK trip and of course Canada!)
A mental checklist of what I should be bringing to KK.
1. My clubbing clothes
2. My makeup
3. Toiletries (includes perfume, toothbrush, toothpaste, toner, moisturizer, masks, facial wash, shaver)
4. My NORMAL clothes
5. Boots!
6. Undies
7. Hair dryer

My mental checklist of what to do in Canada
1. Apply for a job for temporary purposes. I need to earn money!
2. Look out for an apartment I can rent when I'm staying over there
3. Scout for a 2nd hand car. Mustang is out. :-( Maybe a Honda.
4. Exercise to lose weight!!

I think right now, I just don't want to finish up my attachment. Heck, its like 3 more weeks! Time couldn't pass any faster, can it?
Before I lose myself in my tempting thoughts, I'll have to do a reality check.

1. Finish up my assignment based on comparison in statistics on maternal, child health in my community clinic vs. national statistics. Which is like 30 pages long if I had to discuss. Sheesh. And I have to do it with a partner whom I am forced to be with. She seriously is pretty daft and dense. I am not sure if she's pretending to be that way but when she goes like Huh? what? I'll end up raising my voice and shouting at her. I am quite famous for my patience.

2. Study for the sake of my future, which is in a month's time. To add on to the stress, OSCE.

At this point in time, I shall not worry too much. Life's too short, right? Right?
...
*sighs heavily*

No means NO.

2009-06-06T10:44:00.005+08:00

What happens when in a day you feel as if everything just cannot go THEIR way?

I know the answer to that. Just say no.

So this is the thing. This guy texted me yesterday asking if we could hang out. I mean jeez! Men and their HANG OUTS.

I was like all innocent and whatnot until it hit me. Men who wants to hang out usually wants something more. And by god its true!

So I went like: You can pop by my place and thats all. We're just gonna talk and really, thats all there is.

Then the guy was like Okay sure. Then he HINTED. Oh goodness gracious as if he doesn't get that I don't want anything else!
So I gave the ultimatum and he was guilty as hell. Hmmph! When will people learn that sometimes No simply means no?

A pleasant week indeed!

2009-05-22T21:43:00.005+08:00

I have 3 solid reasons why I think I am a heartbreaker. But first, updates!! Nothing is more important than expressing my pent up emotions for two weeks.

As you know I am currently on attachment and I just finished my week in the Intensive Care Unit. Fabulous stuff, if I do say so myself. :-D

The nurses and the anaesthesiologists are absolutely remarkable at their work.

And the great thing is, its one nurse to one patient. And the maximum the ICU can accommodate is 8 patients. Not more than that. Added to that, a runner nurse will be around the place as well. The charge nurse is absolutely nice and friendly. A total difference from that weirdo charge nurse of the operating room. ugh. I shall not remind myself of her condescending face.

Anyways, I burnt my skin as well trying to mount on a motorbike. Behold the picture below. Sad, isn't it? It doesn't look that bad from far but when you come close, it actually pustulates a bit. :-S I curse that motorbike I tell you. My skin's not going to be nice anymore. Well its not really nice from the start anyway.

......And its back to my three solid reasons! So like this is the thing. I can be really mean sometimes. I just can't help myself! I just HAD to mislead some people. :-S

1. I tend to be overfriendly which leads to a guy asking for my number and asking me out to dinner and me accepting it.

2. This guy says he likes me and I probed further and sort of made him think I like him as well instead of saying " Sorry, I don't like you back."

3. I never initiate the conversation with him. He always had to be the one to say hi first. Guilty as I may seem but he should get it, right?

This situation has happened before and well, the poor guy! I only used him to help me. And he pointed that out to me when he couldn't stand it anymore. He also used to have a thing for me before this. I remember it was like this.

Me: Hey (his name), do you think you could help me with blablabla?

Him: Oh sure... is it urgent?

Me: Yea sort of. But don't worry la. :D

Him: okay.. so mm.. what r u doing tonight?

Me: Not sure yet. But I'm going out for sure.

Him: Oh okay.

Him (after 10 minutes): Hello.. are you there?

Me: Oh sorry... I was on the phone.. I have to go soon.

Him: Okay.. why do I get the feeling that you only talk to me when you need my help?

And he gives that look of disappointment. Like he wants more than that. So right now, its like history repeating itself. So yea... I feel bad, thats for sure....

life's life i suppose.