My dashboard confessional

I admit that I have a crush on you.
Just when I swore to myself that I'll never fall for a guy.. not now. Perhaps in the near future, who knows?

I don't know about yourself. If you'd give me the time of the day... your face constantly appears in my mind when I am not around you. My thoughts are recently preoccupied with your mannerisms, the how you handle situations.

Our brief moments together as we conversed were friendly but your every action showed no desire. I wish I knew what you were thinking. If you'd give someone like myself a chance....

I'm not the type of person who makes the first move but if I could read your mind... I wouldn't mind being the one to do the approaching.

My 100th post

this is supposed to a cheerful one. but its not.
im emotionally overwhelmed.

i don't understand at all. why why why?
i am so strangled by the pain and so overcome by sadness.
i don't want to go through this yet i am IN this.

i wish i were more logical but im not. i chose to follow my "heart".
just. feel. like. crying.
the tears can't stop streaming down my face.
how long must my ego keep shielding me from whats really in front of me?

i've been left out in the cold and it takes me that to realise whats really important in my life.
YOU.... who give me so much heartache yet so much happiness.
You.. who give me so much fear yet give me courage...
You.. who make me contradict myself.

What exactly is on your mind, I'd really like to know...

Life is life... is life

The things I don't want to do now..

to let loose.
to move on.
to let go.
to cry.
to laugh.
to smile.
to know.
to find out.
to change.
to pretend.
to bear the burden.
to think.

why?
Ever feel like life strangles you with hurdles and then when you think you've overcome it, it just washes you over? its merciless sometimes.

okay, my research proposal got rejected. I'm sad and I just wonder.. all the effort we put into our research.. this happens? Maybe we haven't found many facts...but whats the point of a research if you're not allowed to do what you want? When this happened, they said, " I advise you to drop your theoretical framework"
It took me quite awhile to understand the framework. And I grew to like it. Now I am expected to let go and start afresh? Its not easy..it really isn't.

what next?

I don't know.....i'm still using the same framework. Just that now.. I don't want to focus on my research proposal. i should finish assignments which have an earlier deadline...

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goodnight